Dear Anthony,

Today is November 14, 2024. It is exactly 20 years to the day when you walked out of the house to enjoy life with friends and never physically returned.

How are you son? How I have missed you! I have so much to tell you. When you left, it was as if a huge part of me left with you. I not only grieve for you, but I grieve because without you, I am not whole. Many times, I wondered if you were cold or if you were feeling misplaced. If your beautiful spirit found itself confused because you wanted to remain with us and whether that kept you from following the light and the peace. So many ifs. If only I held you in my arms and begged you not to go out that evening. If only I could wake up and you would be here with that smile that lit up a room and I would realize, it was only a bad dream. The experience of an epiphany that would grant us a new beginning. But life doesn’t always give us second chances and life can be hard, it can be cruel and downright unfair!

Your maternal Grandma went to heaven 11 days later. In her last moments, feeling delirious, she called for you. Grandpa became ill and joined her only a few months later. During his final days, I asked him to find you. “Please dad,” I said, “promise me that you will find my son and make sure he is okay – take care of my baby.” I pray you have all found each other and that the love and hugs I yearn to give you are transmitting and giving you peace.

You were not only my first born child, you were my adult friend, my go-to for advice, my confidant. I miss the future we envisioned with you in it. I will love you forever because love never dies!